I Don't Tarch Porleetics

Unlike a certain 2D Ah Lian star from a rival station who said during an interview along Orrrchart Road that she "don't tarch porleetics" we obviously don't have a problem with the subject...
which brings me to how in true HH style, the subject never relates to the content...
hence I alas can't help but wonder... is HH out of touch with society ... or do we need to (get in) touch (with) ourselves?

(Camera close-up: male not female writer / looking through window at HDB carpark with rubbish dump to left not autumn leaves on the upper east side / IBM laptop the anti-Mac not a Mac / Giordano tshirt and Kmart pyjama pants not grey cashmere sweater)

Which leads me to think abt HH and touching:

Ares: Topless where possible and loves the touch of the human hand all over...
Techno: Touched by surprise bday party and lovely comments of his youth
Marm: In touch with staff, market swings and won't let other bitches touch her
Miss J: Feel the touch of her spike heels
Moma: Hard to get in touch if you are one of the multiple lao bans
MeeehReee: Touches herself, invites others to Touch Her Body
Deeenooo: Sensitive to the Touch, very fragile

Hermie Fully Rejected - The Musical

A short play by Heng Heng. (Korean/TVB style)

Location: Changi Airport Terminal 1
Characters: Hermie, Ares and Ah Feng

Act 1 of 1. Scene 1 of 2.

After the week-long maid training, Hermie packed her bags to return to TVBland. She was very disappointed. Not only was she turned down by Ares for a lunch rendezvous, she has completely missed Ah Feng. She went to the airport with a heavy heart.

Ares realized that it was Hermie's last day and rushed to the airport. He simply HAD to express his true feelings to her. He looked frantically for anyone with 2 ponytails and a bandanna wearing at least 4 tiers of clothing. But alas! his search was futile. Just when he was about to give up, a row of trolley rammed into him, causing a loud commotion. Hermie who was queuing at the immigration checkpoint turned and saw Ares. She ran to the glass panel.

Hermie: "Ares! What are you doing here?"
Ares: "REMEMBER TO BRING BACK MY SHIRTS OR NEVER COME BACK TO STAND IN FRONT OF ME AGAIN!!"

~ Thunderstorm. Lightning. Erhu playing sad music in the background. ~


Act 1 of 1. Scene 2 of 2.

Hermie was simply too upset to reply. As she walked back, she saw Ah Feng standing in front of her, holding a cup of ice cream.

Feeling hopeful once again, Hermie ran towards Ah Feng, expecting him to embrace her.

Hermie (in slow-mo): "You do remember our Seattle ice cream!"
Ah Feng: "LEI QI SIN wor!!"

~ END~

Playwrights: Miss J, Mary, Moma & Marm with some inputs from Ares ah-ge himself.

the lonely heart of an ah-jie

As the rain pours down
I am writing down life's notes

Flipping through pictures of past scenes

Mind wandering
Heart unsettled
Just waiting

Lady in Red

I was going through some of the old emails and I can't believe I kept this!! This lovely poem is specially dedicated to our very own Ma Li Ah Jie from her forever-fan-cum-Tiger ARES..



Oh my lovely Lady in red
Sitting beguilingly on the bed
Scarlet lips and ebony hair
Lures everyone into your lair


Rufflled dress meets ruffled sheets
This is where bodies meet
Are you happy or are you sad
Might this be caused by yet another heartless cad


Without eyes, emotion we cannot tell
Do you have a story to sell
Try to comprehend we can
We will never understand
The joy you derive
From your alter-ego life

So the question is FEEL or FILL?

Of course, it's ho FEEL worrrr!!!!

Just like this wonderful pose you did on the criff wor! This can be your facebook photo wor... really ho ho feel ah...

Tiger Thong, you have outdone yourself wor! We are all so touch-ed by your beautiful words. You are almost a shoo-in winner for this year's Heng Heng Blight Blight Award wor. Even though, we are all colleagues, not friends, give others a chance wor.. otherwise what else is there for you to win next year???

Liquidity

This is not new but its something i definitely have to document...

As you all know, Mehree has been learning new financial terms (yes its not only abt MARGINS these days) as she prepares to penetrate the financial market. So the other day, she texted me to ask me what TRADING LIQUIDITY was...

Mehree: Do you know what is trading liquidity?
Tiger: The ease with which one gets in and out of trading positions.
Mehree: Right!

Ho Haspeeee Worrr

Wai! Dim ah peeperls.... the feeling of not working is reli ho haspeeee worrr. No need to go to bed early and can msn/youtube till 3am in the morning while learning how to use msn file sharing from Ms J... i have never been so WiFi-ed Worr.

Such is the life worr! But alas.... next mon, its back to reality worrr!

I've been wanting to post something but donch know why got no FEEL to write these few days worr. I think my creative juices flow best when im busy! Or maybe i was too caught up with doing nothing (i know...so ironys)...No FEEL so no FILL on this blog worr.

Anyway, this morning i was looking thru our Bali photos again and im feeling a lil inspired to write something...

So, i dedicates this poetry to all my BFF who have made this Sweet & Sour Bali Tour 2008 so Suckcessful! Cring! Cring!

***********************************

Everyday the anticipation grows

Of sun-kissed bodies and tanned glows

Fun, laughter and all things bold

Were threatened by twisted ankles and toes

Blessing in disguise it was

ESPN was swithed off

Smiles abound as the plane climbed

To the land where we take it all off

To blue skies and yellow rays

We performed all day

In the pool and everywhere

Lost in our thoughts and laughter without a care

Towering waves and majestic temple cliffs

We conquered them all

Not even monkeys that own the lot

Can distract from the perfect shot

Hip places and trendy tops
Ever ready for that photo op
From Kudeta to Como
Our kneaded bodies stole the show

All good things come to an end

Sweet memories etched as we land

Hearts left back in Bali

The land that made us all so haspee

***********************************

Oops i did it again...I know... so tarlented rite? TANK KEEEL (huang biren style) everyone for the generous comments!

*ROAR*

TIGER THONG

haspy birthsdays WOR

dear techno

Haspy birthdays to u wor....im so happy u r turning 30...as u shd know by now, 30 is the new 18....n u still look so fabulous n gorgeousss n always picture perfect...so wads there to complain abt reachin the big 3 0??? of cse, there will always be competitons from one particular fella rival whose name is always changing...n lengthening...haha i think u know who im referrin to lah....but i hope u have faith in yrself....self confidence is something that we all gain as the yrs pass...i remember when u were younger, u were always tryin to fit in..even though u always deny it...everyone has insecurities so dun get too upset abt it ok? must be positive...height n length is something u cant change so just be satisfied ...cos god is fair....

speakin of god, not that im religious or anything...i think god put us all in this world for a reason...i think u might have found the reason for ur existence...which is to bring happiness to ur loved ones...

i wish u have many wonderfuls yrs ahead...i will copy this line from satc...the 20s are about havin fun, n the 30s is abt learnin the mistakes..i hope u learn to improve n change to be a better human being...im sure u know ur own faults n weaknesses v well, i do not need to spell them out...just learn to control them...however, havin said that, i also hope u always retain the inner child...never lose that zest for life...be who u are, not who the society wants u to be...dun look back n regret too much...cos time really flies n before u know it....u r already in ur 40s and paying for drinks for the younger people.... speakin of which...im sure u will still fall aslp after 1 glass...haha

enuff random thots....if u find this letter abit too random n hard to understand...thats partly becos i had a glass of moet durin dinner...haha

rem...i will be loving u long time...stay cool n funky always

The Conclusion to the SWEET and SOUR Tour 2008

Yesterday spells the end of our annual retreat Sweet & Sour tour where we celebrated the 30th birthdays of our Beaauuutifulllll, Gorgeeeousss and Flabuuuuulousssss Dino and Techno Long! Taking place in the secluded Seminyak Bali where Pineapple Daily won't be able to find us, we spent a surreal 5 days discussing impt topics ranging from US politics to maid abuse to constipation, swimming to the sounds of Madonna and wor-ing everyone around us to death!

Amidst the serene surroundings, the Special Heng Heng Olympics was held where China vs. China competed in the one and only game - Waterwalking. No surprise, by Omega time, China won hands down. Will there be a new Heng Heng record? Stay tuned to the next SHHO in 3 years' time.

Many things were discovered during this tour - Dino is a natural at yoga, his right foot is the switch to controlling rain and the weirdest place he has ever shitted is over the Pacific Ocean! Meanwhile, Tiger lurrrvvveeeesssss to take it off! Prancing around half naked is not a problem and he strips especially fast when a 'massage' is involved. (Yes, Mary is no longer the most efficient stripper in Heng Heng now.) The secret to Techno Long's purrfection is the power naps he takes at every opportunity - plane, car, restaurant, etc. This is the key ingredient to looking fresh every moment, ready to be photographed!

As for the Triple-M, it dawned on us that we are the smartest because WE KNOW......

In true Heng Heng style, the tour concluded with piles of Popeye's chickaaaann and laughter.

Once again, Marms wishes to wish the birthday boys Haps-Bees Births-Daes!! Nothing else needed to be said as you are already so PERFECT! Nonetheless, I cannot help but to shout "Stay cool and funky always wor!!"

A special memo from Beauty - MoMa to all her beloved lao bans

To all my beeloved lao bans (esp Kang Lao Ban),

MoMa is sooo saaaad to announce that she will be out of Sin Jia Poh and is not ables to answers to your whips & fences..oops.. i mean whims & fancies this weekends.

In my absence, POLICE donch forjets to helps me pay tributes to my favourite shops (ala the likes of BorTeckgAhs, Channels & ErrrMees).... I will be HO HO upsets if all of you come back to Heng Heng the next week with empty blanded paper bags wooorrr..... must leemember to continue to gib me lub even when i not around oks! I will definitely craim from all of yous when i come back the next weekend...

Xie Xie ni de Ai!

XOXOXO
MoMa

Merci Beaucoup Mes Cheris!

Over the summer, I've acquired a new fashion addiction. In the words of Mary... I BLAME YOU MARM! It's just impossible not to love the comfortable, classic, chic Salvatore Ferragamo shoes.

While holidaying back home, I managed to weasel my sugar daddy into getting me the patent red Ribes pumps for my birthday. Following that, this weekend, Marm helped me lay my grubby materialistic hands on my Heng Heng birthday pressie of 2008. The patent black Riberia slip-ons are finally mine! Muahahahaha. I can't wait to take them on a night out. They easily matches my entire waredrobe. Now, if only they had my size for the bronze-gold metallic Varina ballerinas... This desire for Ferragamos cannot be diminished I tell you!

So, I would like to thank all of you, my darling ah-ges and ah-jies, for the lovely pressie! I SIMPLYS LOVES ITS WORRRR! :)