I found this on my msn history - the exact conversation between MoMa & her current favouritest lao ban... PART 2 wor... Enjoy!

XX lao ban says:
is that you finally on the picture???
MoMa says:
nah... sorry to disappoint you... this is too professional to be mine lar..
XX lao ban says:
it's small, hard to guess… but you're really keeping me waiting! building up the expectations
MoMa says:
aww... c'mon dont stress me like this... cant have too high an expectation for a beginner you know..
XX lao ban says:
I know, my expectations were on delivery more than quality for a start.... associated with a low level of clothing… quality will improve with time

after a while of silence....

XX lao ban says:
... I left you speechless LOL
MoMa says:
........................... is that one of your ways of testing out the "darker" side of me?
XX lao ban says:
might be… and to fulfill a fantasy too
MoMa says:
that's very flattering to hear indeed.. this skill of yours must have helped fulfill quite a no of fantasies no? see... that's why you're the boss!
XX lao ban says:
some yes.. but always some left.. luckily! are you next?
MoMa says:
now i'm really curious to know what this fantasy is about....
XX lao ban says:
Well, I've known you from sweet little girl to ambitious colleague and witty friend, wondering how's the sexy part of you… I know it's there, but would love to witness the evolution

well, that's all the juicy bits I have for now... till more....

XOXO

MoMa

MoMa's darker side

Harrows to all my bee-you-tee-fool, georgeous & flaabulous correagues!!

Long time since MoMa left a post wor.. have been too busy entertaining one particular lao ban, who has been visiting me ho often wor... No no.. it is not S&F.. this one is long distance one wor.. via MSN ah... ;)

Anyways, i ho excites that this lao ban keeps chatting me up on msn wor, so i decided to memo blog here to updates you all ah...

here's an excerpt of our last msn session:

XX lao ban: shouldnt be hard for you to find a boyfriend no? Are you playing too hard to get (or are you still a virgin LOL)

MoMa: Of course i am still a virgin... Don't i look like one??

XX lao ban:

well, nothing surprises me in singapore anymore, you may be one of the rare few left. And you DO look quite innocent (NOT!)

I am still trying to explore the darker side of you. if you have one...

MoMa: Well... take your best shot at it and pls do keep me posted on your findings! hahaha...

Tsk Tsk.. this lao ban ho terribles wor... but i ho love wor... Hahaha...

CHAN L.

~~~~~~~~~~ Heng Heng E-Announcement ~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Marm hereby announces that Mary shall now be known as CHAN L from now on. For all future jokes, name-callings, sexual references and reservations, please use the name CHAN L. She will no longer be answering to 'Mary' although it stays as part of her veriiiii looooooong stage name.

SF - So Fun...Wor!

Hhhiiiiii Ehhh-Ver-Ee-Bah-Deees...

Since I am returning to work next Mon, 17 Nov (I just read my bank is going to further cut 600 jobs...hmmmm) and its pouring...and after some leftover Pepperidge farm cookies which stirred up memories of SF, I thought I'd pen something about the trip...

Returning to SF 10 years since I last visited, (Edwin's last visit was 20years ago!) anticipation was naturally in the air. I rememered staying right smack in the middle of town (Union Square) and I vividly recall the compact city with scenic slopes lined with houses, old-school cable cars (or trams as we call them), Fisherman's Wharf, homeless people and the SFPD' wailing sirens in the middle of the night.

Well guess what, nothing's much changed. And that was comforting in a way. But of course with more time (and without parents), we managed to scratch the surface of SF a little more.

Having endured a long flight (much longer than it seemed due to Northwest's lack of service and in-flight entertainment) with a brief stopover in Narita (thank god!), we checked into Hilton San Francisco in the Financial District. To be precise, this hotel was at the end of the Financial District and borders Chinatown (7 blocks from Union Square). Can't complain much since I got it via priceline at a steal.

But as the hotel was very old, the walls were paper thin. So as I laid jet-lagged and wide awake at 3am, some frisky couple in the room above decided to get it on. The creaking went on for the next 30mins...fast, slow, fast, slow....walking, fast, end. Even the creaking woke Edwin up, so you can imagine.

And so with our very first meal of Wanton Mee, we started exploring Chinatown which is one of the largest in the USA. Surrealy, all you hear is Cantonese, and I was afraid Herm would jump out from some dried goods store with"Wai Dim Ah!"
The next 2 days were spent exploring the city. Hampered by the rain, we found ourselves headed back to the mall more often than we desired. But thanks to Edwin's trusty guidebooks, we managed to check out some breakfast gems (Dottie's True Blue in the Tenderloin area and Mama's at North Beach). Both breakfasts came up to more than USD40 but worth every single cent, especially since we skipped lunch. Think heart-busting sausages, home-styled chunky potatoes bacon, eggs and to top it off, pancakes with seasonal berries!




Union Square had the usual suspects - Gap, Diesel, Saks, Barneys etc. But one area worth mentioning was Hayes Valley (lots of interesting shops and restaurants), think a small er Holland V but with a much less commercial feel.

Halloween was an extremely interesting sight . Although we did not participate, it was nice to just watch people dress up (or not wear anything!) and roam the streets.

The sky finally cleared the day we were to drive to Napa Valley. But before that, we made a huge detour to the Gilroy Premium Outlets which caused us rush to Napa. And this was why I was stopped on the highway by the Police (exactly like what you see on TV with sirens and all), apparently I was driving at 25mph above the limit of 65. So, escorted by the police car, I pulled over onto the highway shoulder. Immediately, I found multiple high beams flooding my mirrors and the loudspeaker went "Move your car slowly forward till I say stop."

My next reaction was to get out of the car but was greeted with a stern " STAY IN YOUR CAR". Next thing, the police officer walked over and as if it wasnt bright enough, flashed a torch and signalled for us to wind down the window. After check my driver's license, he asked for my passport. As I had to retrieve it from the boot, he asked " Do you have any weapons?"

Anyway, after he ascertained we were not related to Kim Dong Ill, we soon continued on to Napa. I remembered my dad asking just before I left "why are you going to Napa Valley when you don't drink?!" Well, the answer is food! Napa Valley is home to many well known and some michelin-starred restaurants, I suppose the most famous being Thomas Keller's The French Laundry. At USD270 per pax for the tasting menu, we opted for the more affordable Bouchon (his diffusion line in HH speak). We also had one of the best burgers and milkshakes at Taylor's in Napa.

After 2 days of pigging out in Napa Valley (and for the first time I felt strangely overloaded on fries), we embarked on the long journey (5 hours) to Yosemite Park, which we felt was the highlight of the trip. Home to black bears, mountain lions, squirrels, rattle snakes and chipmunks and the highest waterfall in North America, we were rewarded with one stunning scenery after another. Majestic cliffs, gigantic trees, mirror lakes, words simply cannot describe the natural beauty of this place and despite spending 2 days, we wanted to return for more, maybe in summer.

We made a brief stopover at Sausilito on the way back, a quaint little seaside town facing SF. The vibe here is entirely different. With canopy fronted shops, countless convertibles roaming the streets, multi-million dollar hilltop homes that own the best views of the SF skyline, I imagine it to be similar to Cannes or St Tropez since I've never been to these places. With pistachio almond and blueberry cheesecake ice-cream nicely in tummy, we drove over the Golden Gate bridge in all its sunset glory back towards the City centre.

Goodtimes always seem to pass like an instant and we are now down to our last day in SF. This was spent exploring Golden Gate bridge (walking), Haights-Ashbury neighborhood (excellent place to visit and where we got souvenirs!) and the most touristy thing of the whole trip, the eery night tour of Alcatraz Island, home to one of the most famous former US prisons.

All in, it was a very fulfilling (and filling!) trip and I could not ask for more. The thing with cities like these (just like Tokyo and New York), they are constantly evolving with new neighborhoods, shops, eateries but somethings just stay the same. 10 days might be short but there's always next time. Maybe in another 10 years...

Later,..Tiger!

What do Durian, Valentino and champagne have in common?

ANSWER: They are hooooooo Mary wor.... Champagne - Bubbly, Smooth, Sweet. Valentino - Feminine, Stylish, Hard to get your hands on. Durian - Thorny on the outside. Mushy on the inside. And hoooo Smelly wor....

On a fine Friday afternoon when all of Heng Heng are getting ready for the weekend crowd of laobans, someone with lots of imagination or who has been observing admin A LOT (ans: Techno Long) asked who want her mangoes??? This sparked off a debate of what fruits we are and other irrelevant categories. No logic. 100% based on feeeeeeeeeeel..........

Mary: Durian. Valentino. Champagne. Guess (1 word - S L U T ). Oyster (an aphrodisiac). Green chilli. Van Cleef & Arpels.

Moma: Lychee (exotic). Lady's fingers (acquired taste). Sotong (no explanation needed). Versace (Indonesian tai tai). Cartier. Whiskey (with the lao bans).

Miss J: Mangosteen (queen). Red Chilli (hot & spicy). Chanel (black & white). Georg Jensen (simple, clean lines). Rose syrup (sweet).

Dino: Soursop (white/fair and mushy). Cod fish (white and soft). FCUK. CK (cool & funky in an understated way). Ribenna (sweet & comforting).

Ares: Orange. Fries. Salmon. Lacoste (polo shirts). Bottega. Bvlgari. Sprite.

Techno Long: Ba Chiku. POA. Etro. Wedges. Milo.

Marm: Kumquat (Huat ah!). Potato. GG5. DKNY. Tiffany. Iced lemon tea.

Admin: Golden kiwi (thinks it's better than normal kiwi but it's totally not worth the extra dollars). Thermo flask. Wanko. Coach. Poh Heng. Frog. 八宝茶.

I Don't Tarch Porleetics

Unlike a certain 2D Ah Lian star from a rival station who said during an interview along Orrrchart Road that she "don't tarch porleetics" we obviously don't have a problem with the subject...
which brings me to how in true HH style, the subject never relates to the content...
hence I alas can't help but wonder... is HH out of touch with society ... or do we need to (get in) touch (with) ourselves?

(Camera close-up: male not female writer / looking through window at HDB carpark with rubbish dump to left not autumn leaves on the upper east side / IBM laptop the anti-Mac not a Mac / Giordano tshirt and Kmart pyjama pants not grey cashmere sweater)

Which leads me to think abt HH and touching:

Ares: Topless where possible and loves the touch of the human hand all over...
Techno: Touched by surprise bday party and lovely comments of his youth
Marm: In touch with staff, market swings and won't let other bitches touch her
Miss J: Feel the touch of her spike heels
Moma: Hard to get in touch if you are one of the multiple lao bans
MeeehReee: Touches herself, invites others to Touch Her Body
Deeenooo: Sensitive to the Touch, very fragile

Hermie Fully Rejected - The Musical

A short play by Heng Heng. (Korean/TVB style)

Location: Changi Airport Terminal 1
Characters: Hermie, Ares and Ah Feng

Act 1 of 1. Scene 1 of 2.

After the week-long maid training, Hermie packed her bags to return to TVBland. She was very disappointed. Not only was she turned down by Ares for a lunch rendezvous, she has completely missed Ah Feng. She went to the airport with a heavy heart.

Ares realized that it was Hermie's last day and rushed to the airport. He simply HAD to express his true feelings to her. He looked frantically for anyone with 2 ponytails and a bandanna wearing at least 4 tiers of clothing. But alas! his search was futile. Just when he was about to give up, a row of trolley rammed into him, causing a loud commotion. Hermie who was queuing at the immigration checkpoint turned and saw Ares. She ran to the glass panel.

Hermie: "Ares! What are you doing here?"
Ares: "REMEMBER TO BRING BACK MY SHIRTS OR NEVER COME BACK TO STAND IN FRONT OF ME AGAIN!!"

~ Thunderstorm. Lightning. Erhu playing sad music in the background. ~


Act 1 of 1. Scene 2 of 2.

Hermie was simply too upset to reply. As she walked back, she saw Ah Feng standing in front of her, holding a cup of ice cream.

Feeling hopeful once again, Hermie ran towards Ah Feng, expecting him to embrace her.

Hermie (in slow-mo): "You do remember our Seattle ice cream!"
Ah Feng: "LEI QI SIN wor!!"

~ END~

Playwrights: Miss J, Mary, Moma & Marm with some inputs from Ares ah-ge himself.

the lonely heart of an ah-jie

As the rain pours down
I am writing down life's notes

Flipping through pictures of past scenes

Mind wandering
Heart unsettled
Just waiting

Lady in Red

I was going through some of the old emails and I can't believe I kept this!! This lovely poem is specially dedicated to our very own Ma Li Ah Jie from her forever-fan-cum-Tiger ARES..



Oh my lovely Lady in red
Sitting beguilingly on the bed
Scarlet lips and ebony hair
Lures everyone into your lair


Rufflled dress meets ruffled sheets
This is where bodies meet
Are you happy or are you sad
Might this be caused by yet another heartless cad


Without eyes, emotion we cannot tell
Do you have a story to sell
Try to comprehend we can
We will never understand
The joy you derive
From your alter-ego life

So the question is FEEL or FILL?

Of course, it's ho FEEL worrrr!!!!

Just like this wonderful pose you did on the criff wor! This can be your facebook photo wor... really ho ho feel ah...

Tiger Thong, you have outdone yourself wor! We are all so touch-ed by your beautiful words. You are almost a shoo-in winner for this year's Heng Heng Blight Blight Award wor. Even though, we are all colleagues, not friends, give others a chance wor.. otherwise what else is there for you to win next year???

Liquidity

This is not new but its something i definitely have to document...

As you all know, Mehree has been learning new financial terms (yes its not only abt MARGINS these days) as she prepares to penetrate the financial market. So the other day, she texted me to ask me what TRADING LIQUIDITY was...

Mehree: Do you know what is trading liquidity?
Tiger: The ease with which one gets in and out of trading positions.
Mehree: Right!

Ho Haspeeee Worrr

Wai! Dim ah peeperls.... the feeling of not working is reli ho haspeeee worrr. No need to go to bed early and can msn/youtube till 3am in the morning while learning how to use msn file sharing from Ms J... i have never been so WiFi-ed Worr.

Such is the life worr! But alas.... next mon, its back to reality worrr!

I've been wanting to post something but donch know why got no FEEL to write these few days worr. I think my creative juices flow best when im busy! Or maybe i was too caught up with doing nothing (i know...so ironys)...No FEEL so no FILL on this blog worr.

Anyway, this morning i was looking thru our Bali photos again and im feeling a lil inspired to write something...

So, i dedicates this poetry to all my BFF who have made this Sweet & Sour Bali Tour 2008 so Suckcessful! Cring! Cring!

***********************************

Everyday the anticipation grows

Of sun-kissed bodies and tanned glows

Fun, laughter and all things bold

Were threatened by twisted ankles and toes

Blessing in disguise it was

ESPN was swithed off

Smiles abound as the plane climbed

To the land where we take it all off

To blue skies and yellow rays

We performed all day

In the pool and everywhere

Lost in our thoughts and laughter without a care

Towering waves and majestic temple cliffs

We conquered them all

Not even monkeys that own the lot

Can distract from the perfect shot

Hip places and trendy tops
Ever ready for that photo op
From Kudeta to Como
Our kneaded bodies stole the show

All good things come to an end

Sweet memories etched as we land

Hearts left back in Bali

The land that made us all so haspee

***********************************

Oops i did it again...I know... so tarlented rite? TANK KEEEL (huang biren style) everyone for the generous comments!

*ROAR*

TIGER THONG

haspy birthsdays WOR

dear techno

Haspy birthdays to u wor....im so happy u r turning 30...as u shd know by now, 30 is the new 18....n u still look so fabulous n gorgeousss n always picture perfect...so wads there to complain abt reachin the big 3 0??? of cse, there will always be competitons from one particular fella rival whose name is always changing...n lengthening...haha i think u know who im referrin to lah....but i hope u have faith in yrself....self confidence is something that we all gain as the yrs pass...i remember when u were younger, u were always tryin to fit in..even though u always deny it...everyone has insecurities so dun get too upset abt it ok? must be positive...height n length is something u cant change so just be satisfied ...cos god is fair....

speakin of god, not that im religious or anything...i think god put us all in this world for a reason...i think u might have found the reason for ur existence...which is to bring happiness to ur loved ones...

i wish u have many wonderfuls yrs ahead...i will copy this line from satc...the 20s are about havin fun, n the 30s is abt learnin the mistakes..i hope u learn to improve n change to be a better human being...im sure u know ur own faults n weaknesses v well, i do not need to spell them out...just learn to control them...however, havin said that, i also hope u always retain the inner child...never lose that zest for life...be who u are, not who the society wants u to be...dun look back n regret too much...cos time really flies n before u know it....u r already in ur 40s and paying for drinks for the younger people.... speakin of which...im sure u will still fall aslp after 1 glass...haha

enuff random thots....if u find this letter abit too random n hard to understand...thats partly becos i had a glass of moet durin dinner...haha

rem...i will be loving u long time...stay cool n funky always

The Conclusion to the SWEET and SOUR Tour 2008

Yesterday spells the end of our annual retreat Sweet & Sour tour where we celebrated the 30th birthdays of our Beaauuutifulllll, Gorgeeeousss and Flabuuuuulousssss Dino and Techno Long! Taking place in the secluded Seminyak Bali where Pineapple Daily won't be able to find us, we spent a surreal 5 days discussing impt topics ranging from US politics to maid abuse to constipation, swimming to the sounds of Madonna and wor-ing everyone around us to death!

Amidst the serene surroundings, the Special Heng Heng Olympics was held where China vs. China competed in the one and only game - Waterwalking. No surprise, by Omega time, China won hands down. Will there be a new Heng Heng record? Stay tuned to the next SHHO in 3 years' time.

Many things were discovered during this tour - Dino is a natural at yoga, his right foot is the switch to controlling rain and the weirdest place he has ever shitted is over the Pacific Ocean! Meanwhile, Tiger lurrrvvveeeesssss to take it off! Prancing around half naked is not a problem and he strips especially fast when a 'massage' is involved. (Yes, Mary is no longer the most efficient stripper in Heng Heng now.) The secret to Techno Long's purrfection is the power naps he takes at every opportunity - plane, car, restaurant, etc. This is the key ingredient to looking fresh every moment, ready to be photographed!

As for the Triple-M, it dawned on us that we are the smartest because WE KNOW......

In true Heng Heng style, the tour concluded with piles of Popeye's chickaaaann and laughter.

Once again, Marms wishes to wish the birthday boys Haps-Bees Births-Daes!! Nothing else needed to be said as you are already so PERFECT! Nonetheless, I cannot help but to shout "Stay cool and funky always wor!!"

A special memo from Beauty - MoMa to all her beloved lao bans

To all my beeloved lao bans (esp Kang Lao Ban),

MoMa is sooo saaaad to announce that she will be out of Sin Jia Poh and is not ables to answers to your whips & fences..oops.. i mean whims & fancies this weekends.

In my absence, POLICE donch forjets to helps me pay tributes to my favourite shops (ala the likes of BorTeckgAhs, Channels & ErrrMees).... I will be HO HO upsets if all of you come back to Heng Heng the next week with empty blanded paper bags wooorrr..... must leemember to continue to gib me lub even when i not around oks! I will definitely craim from all of yous when i come back the next weekend...

Xie Xie ni de Ai!

XOXOXO
MoMa

Merci Beaucoup Mes Cheris!

Over the summer, I've acquired a new fashion addiction. In the words of Mary... I BLAME YOU MARM! It's just impossible not to love the comfortable, classic, chic Salvatore Ferragamo shoes.

While holidaying back home, I managed to weasel my sugar daddy into getting me the patent red Ribes pumps for my birthday. Following that, this weekend, Marm helped me lay my grubby materialistic hands on my Heng Heng birthday pressie of 2008. The patent black Riberia slip-ons are finally mine! Muahahahaha. I can't wait to take them on a night out. They easily matches my entire waredrobe. Now, if only they had my size for the bronze-gold metallic Varina ballerinas... This desire for Ferragamos cannot be diminished I tell you!

So, I would like to thank all of you, my darling ah-ges and ah-jies, for the lovely pressie! I SIMPLYS LOVES ITS WORRRR! :)

Once upon a time...

Once upon a time in Lioncity, there was a nightclub called Heng Heng run by a brillant lady Boss called Marm.The famous act was performed nightly by the hottest Bimbo around, Mary. Heng Heng's top xiaojie was a great Beauty called Moma. The guilded gates into Heng Heng were governed by the Bitch of a bouncer, Miss J. Set against the disco lights, bubbly booze and all that is luxurious and decadant, step into the world of the Heng Heng Queen Bs...

Occasionally also hogging the Heng Heng limelight are the Triple T Threat, Techno Long the resident stylish and hunky DJ, T-Rex the king of all pimp daddies and Tiger Thong the one and only pussy side act who purrs for your pleasure. They are joined by two best newcumers codenamed B1 and B2.


This makes for better storytelling than we met while schooling in uni and have been ah-ges and ah-jies since.... :)